Always Fighting
by MissingMommy
Summary: "She's everything you're not; everything you had wished you could be. But that's all over now. You're done trying to be someone you're not." Written for sibling rivalry, from Lucy's POV.


**A/n- I own nothing that you recognize.**

For the first time in a while, you laugh because it ended, everything ended. You've never felt so relieved in your short life. It's a breath of fresh air. Everything was taking its toll on you and you couldn't break free of everyone's expectations. It was all too much to handle. Is that the reason that you have scars on your not so perfect wrists?

The pressure of being perfect for your father often becomes too much to handle, doesn't it, love? But you've always been in the shadow of your sister's achievements. She's everything you're not; everything you had wished you could be. But that's all over now. You're done trying to be someone you're not. You're done trying to fight for something you'll never win.

But fighting was the only thing you knew. You were always fighting to win the acknowledgement that you so dearly craved. You only wanted your father to look at you with the same look of love that he directed towards your sister. No matter how hard you tried, it was always about your sister, even when it was supposed to be about you.

It had started when you were three. You couldn't understand why your father always gave all his attention to her. You weren't much different. Sure, she looks like him, while you look exactly like your mother. The harder you tried to get his attention, the more he seemed to push you away. And you spent countless hours crying because your father didn't love you the way he loved your sister. So your mother stepped in and provided you the love you so desperately ached for. It was never enough, though.

You just wanted your father to love you. You wanted to be the one that he held in his lap and read to every night before bedtime. But you were never the one sitting there, enjoying the story that your father was reading to your sister. Instead, you watch longingly from your chair on the opposite side of the living room. Unknown to you, but it was that moment of jealousy that led you to fight with your sister for your father's love and affection.

The next battle you fought wasn't for your father's love, but your need for his approval. You always had to work for it, unlike your sister. She had his approval and love from day one. So you waited nervously in the line with all the other first years. You glanced around the hall for your family that sat at the Gryffindor table, waiting for the moment that you would join them. If you weren't sorted into Gryffindor with your perfect sister, you would never earn the approval of your father and you knew that.

So you sat on the stool with that ratty old hat on your head. You were startled when that hat started whispering in your ear. It was whispering things that you didn't even know about yourself. You briefly wondered how the hat knew those things you didn't know about yourself. At that moment, you understood that the hat realized the potential inside of you. So you full heartily trusted that the hat would place you in the House you were always destined for. But you couldn't help but feel angry when the hat shouted out Ravenclaw.

When you reached your new dorm that was filled with so many unfamiliar faces, you hid behind the blue curtains of your four poster bed and let tears fall freely down your cheeks. You would never gain your father's approval with being in a House that wasn't garnet and gold. Before you closed your swollen eyes, you cursed your sister silently. How was she so much different than you were?

Everything you did was never enough for your father, though. You could never compare to his perfect first-born daughter, no matter how hard you tried. He never blinked twice when you told him that you were accepted as a second year Beater. He didn't hug you or brag about your new position on your House team like he did for your sister. So you made it your year-long goal to beat Gryffindor on the Quidditch field.

And you had never felt more alive than you did the moment that your team caught the Snitch in the match for the Quidditch cup. You smiled smugly as you watched your sister and cousins walk out of the Quidditch pitch, defeated looks on their dirty faces. But as you got off the train for summer vacation, you didn't see the look on your father's face that you had hoped for. Instead of being proud of you, he was disappointed that you didn't let Gryffindor win the Quidditch cup. You just can't do anything to please your father, can you, darling?

You figured out life's most important lesson that year. You just can't please everyone, even if you tried your hardest. They just didn't want to be pleased. And that lesson changed your outlook. It was no longer a quest for your father's attention; it was for everyone else's. So as you return for your third year, you know you've changed. It was just a matter of showing everyone else that you had.

But secretly, you did it because you wanted everything your sister had. You wanted friends that wanted to be friends with you, not because they were teammates with you on the Quidditch team. So third year was the year that you blossomed and everyone in your family noticed it. You were never seen without three people surrounding you, laughing with you. You block out your family and focus on your social life. But do you know yourself anymore?

You ponder that question throughout the entire summer. And truthfully, you didn't know who you had become in the months you spent trying to be someone you weren't. When you returned for your fourth year, your body's changed and so has your outlook. You keep up with a few of your friends, but you thought that focusing on your studies would make you like your sister.

The more you focused on school, the harder boys tried to get your attention. You didn't understand why they wanted someone like you. Your honey brown hair was too straight and your dark brown eyes were too big for your face. But you had all the right curves in all the right places and, darling, boys just loved that. How could a day of fun hurt your studies? So you began dating some of the boys that threw themselves at your feet. But you weren't happy with them. They couldn't give you the things that you wanted so desperately. So you went through boys like you went through quills. And darling, you went through quills quickly.

Your family heard of your growing reputation with the boys. And they couldn't help wonder how you could focus on your schoolwork when you had a long list of boys under your belt. Secretly, you had given up on caring about your schoolwork. You just wanted to feel the love your father never gave you. Besides, your list of boys was longer than your sister's. For once, you had beat her at something, even if it was morally wrong.

The more boys you accompanied to bed, the more your heart shattered. Your father had stopped all contact with you once he found out about your reputation. Even though you would deny it to anyone who asked, you still longed for your father's approval. But now, you felt like you would never get it. Is that why you sat in that bathroom with that razor? You hid them well. No one knew what you did behind locked doors. And you vowed they would never. You tried to stop. Honestly, you did. It may have been easy to start, but it sure as hell was hard to stop. You were just in over your head, sweetie.

Your sister won again. The summer before your fifth year, she received that shining badge. The badge that you knew you would never earn. The Head Girl badge was pinned perfectly to the front of her Gryffindor robes. You remember how proud your father was. Now it was your turn to show your father how smart you were. After all, you weren't a Ravenclaw for nothing, darling.

You knew you couldn't mess it up. It was one of the last chances to outdo your sister; the last chance to earn your father's approval. You needed to pass the OWL's. But being a fifth year wasn't easy. The teachers overloaded you with homework and you couldn't take the pressure. Between boys and the blood that ran down your wrist, somehow you made it through that year.

The OWL's were nothing like you expected. They were harder and more important than any test you had taken up to this point. So you sit in that Hall, listening to the scratching of quills on parchment, trying to recall the answers you once knew. You were relieved as you exited the Hall. But the dedication paid off. When your OWL results came that summer, you had taken another small victory in the war with your sister. You might not have been a Prefect like your sister, but you were proud of your OWL results. They meant you could be anything you dreamed to be. And darling, you had ambition. You dreamed big, maybe too big sometimes, but that just meant you were setting yourself up for failure and disappointment.

Suddenly, as your seventh year began, you decided that the life you had been living wasn't what you wanted to be anymore. You did a complete one eighty. Your list of boys grew by a name or two. There were less scars the looked up at you. Your schooling had become the most important thing in your life. After all, you wanted to invent new spells. But in order to do that, you needed to focus on your classes and passing your NEWT's.

Everyone noticed your changes. It was hard _not_ to notice. Maybe that was why that one boy was watching you. He was one of the few that weren't already on your list. He had been too wrapped up in his studies to notice you. Or maybe he had and just didn't like the way you were. You didn't know and frankly, you didn't care. He was the first boy to care about you. It was something you needed. To be cared for and loved by someone. And soon, you found yourself falling hard for that blue-eyed blonde. You had never been in love before and you were frightened.

But when you brought him home for Christmas, you felt your heart that he mended shatter again. When your sister realized who you brought home, she yelled at you angrily. "You knew I liked him. How could you betray me like this?" As she darted out of the Burrow, her blue eyes filled with tears, you couldn't help but feel accomplished. You had finally managed to get the one thing your sister desperately wanted, your boyfriend.

You nearly lost him, though. The pressure was overwhelming and you did what you've always done to get by. You locked yourself in the bathroom and let the blood run down your wrist. But you made a mistake. You forgot to say that spell to cover the scars up. You'll never forget the look of horror in his eyes. "What have you been doing to yourself?" Only if you could answer it yourself, maybe you could've explained it to him. But you didn't know; you never understood why you did that to yourself, you just did. He nearly walked away. But he couldn't. It would hurt both of you too badly if he did, wouldn't it? Maybe that's why you were so lucky to have him by your side.

But after he found out, your relationship was so strained. You needed him more than he understood. But he didn't trust you and that _killed_ you. You only hoped that he would love you the same way he did before he found out. It surprised you that he did. You may have wished he would, but you didn't expect him to. He wouldn't back down from you. He wanted to help mend you.

But mending you would require more than just him being by your side. Because, darling, you were beyond broken. You needed appreciation, approval, and affection. The things your father never gave you. The things your sister always received. And the more you opened up to this blue-eyed boy that loved you, the more he understood just how in over your head you were.

The ring that sparkled on your third finger was his vow. The vow to help you mend all the problems you had in your life. And for the first time since you were three, you felt needed. You gained everything you had hoped for. It was that day that everything ended. Your need to outshine your sister, your need to gain your father's love and approval, and your former broken life was all behind you. You laugh because it ended and a better life rose from the ashes of your former life.

**A/n- Thanks to my awesome beta, Heart of Spellz. This is about Lucy and Molly II, written for the sibling rivalry competition. Please review! **


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